Annie

He sits by the bed and is surprised to see the old woman look at him with a clarity that defies the morphine pumped into her veins. Their eyes meet only for seconds before her eyes close again and she is gone. This is how my father's week began and how my grandmother's life ended.

Annie was my Grandmother, my Nanny. After my Papa, Jimmy, died in December Annie's mind became increasingly confused. I believe that she could simply not accept his passing so instead retreated her thoughts to earlier years and events imagined. Despite her confusion in the end Annie still knew her mind in as much as that she knew what she wanted, a strong will to compensate for her failing mind. Her wit never suffered much either, and if I think about her now I think about how she made me laugh.

Annie, like Jimmy, was one of life's great characters. Her generation has such a rich history due to circumstances of the era that in all likelihood characters such as herself will never be seen by this world again. Her mother died when she was fourteen making her tough before she should have been. When war broke out she worked in a munitions factory and drove a steam truck. I cannot imagine what her life must have been like in those years. It's hard to visualise my wee Nanny at the wheel of that big truck.

She once told me a story of walking home from her work with her friend one day when a man grabbed the two of them, flung them over a wall and lay on top of them. I was shocked; believing that she was telling me that his man was attacking her! "no," she said at the time "the planes were bombing us and he was protecting us from the rubble." An unimaginable time to be alive I think you will agree.

I'll finish off now with the short passage I wrote for Annie's order of service. Her passing is a sad occasion but I the end I think those that knew her knew that without Jimmy this world was too lonely a place for her to stay.

Together Again

nnie was a loving mother, grandmother and great grandmother, however, her greatest love was undeniably Jimmy. Some of the last words Annie spoke were to say that Jimmy was "keeping a place" for her and we know that she is now in that place, happy to be together again and for all time.

Annie Ambrose

1923—2008

The People I Know – Michelle: Conclusion

I worked my way through the crowded club with the guilt moving up my spine and turning to fear. It is not fear of reprisal or harm but rather the much more potent and damaging fear that I might have hurt someone I love. What a day it was, one of the best of my life and not only for how it ended, but still, what a day to hurt a friend; on their own birthday.

"Sparkie," I said "I need to talk to you,"

He looks at me with eyes clouded by the copious amounts of alcohol which had been consumed over the course of the entire day. Slowly I saw him focus and come close so as to hear what I had to say over the din of club "What's up?" he said and then I told him. He looked up wide eyed with surprise that gave way to a smile. He shook my hand, pat my back and sent me back to her. He had given me his blessing to break the code, and for the second time that night I take the girl who will one day be my wife in my arms and kiss her deeply.

Weeks passed before I realised I love her. She said it first but the feeling was there long before. We spoke of marriage very early on, but at one point I asked Michelle to stop, believing that our constant talk would taint the things that would come; proposal, engagement, living together, the wedding and the marriage its self. Four years later that we decide to go to Dublin for a long weekend. Michelle had always wanted to go and I decided that this would be the place I ask her to marry me. And the time I was still at college and did not have a job, but I did have savings, plenty to buy the ring my sister helped me pick out. On the 5^th June 2003 we decided to go to the little town of Bray, an old sea side resort. It was a wet and miserable day and Michelle was unhappy to come all that way for a beach with no sun. I suggest to her we make the best of it and pick stones from the pebble beach. As we walked along Michelle turned to me as I asked her what she thought of the stone I had and found me on my knee presenting the ring.

Only months passed and we were in the flat that we had went to see the week we came back from Ireland. Three years from the day we move in I turn to see a vision in red walk down the isle and to my side. The wedding was much larger than planned but an unqualified success by all accounts, undoubtedly another day I consider the best of my life, just as the day we were first together.

I am lucky in love. A love like ours; so compatible and comfortable, is a rare and treasured thing. The sight of Michelle can't help but put a smile on my face and I still get excited at the prospect of seeing her. It is an unquantifiable pleasure to know Michelle and have her at my side through life, for her to love me as I love her is an indescribable experience. We should all of us be so lucky.

THIS WEEK
I Watched: - The Good Shepherd
I Read: - The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman
I listened to: - Started a Fire by One Night Only

 

The People I Know – Michelle: Part 2

Of course, I did not steal my best friends' girlfriend. Sparkie and Michelle had a short lived relationship and were rarely in contact with one another for most part of it. Their coupling ended in a fairly amicable way, mostly due to the fact that, on the whole, people find being angry at Sparkie a strangely difficult thing to sustain.

Months after the break-up Sparkie and I met a girl with extremely short and bright red hair in the nightclub Plush. The girl seemed to talk in a way that suggested that she knew us fairly well and that she had not seen us for quite some time. We talked and joked along with her, said what we'd been up to in the most vanilla of terms and then we parted ways. Sparkie and I walked back to our seats, and when seated Sparkie turned to me with a familiar smile, a kind of awkward/confused almost grin, and said "Do you have any idea who that was?" Sparkie has a terrible memory and I have on many occasions had to prompt his memory about the people that stop him to say hello, but I had to admit that on this occasion that I shared his confusion, I had no idea who the red haired girl was.

My memory at this point is quite hazy on details and so I may be condensing the happenings of a week or two into this single night. I do know that it was that same night that Sparkie or I worked out who the girl with the bright red hair was. In fairness, it was dark and the hair kind of held your attention, so you'll forgive us for connecting the girl in front of us with girl we had known with black hair highlighted with blue streaks months before. As I said I can't quite remember the details of the night from that point, whether we purposely sought out Michelle or if we just bumped into each other again I'm not a hundred percent sure, but we did meet again.

My next immediate memory of Michelle sitting outside The Victor chip shop on Conrwall Way facing the East Kilbride Bus Terminal. We sat on the ground with our backs against the window and the shop had shut making it at least 4am but most likely later. Sparkie had long since wondered off into the either of the night as he so often does, I had met some work mates from my then place of employment McDonalds (my first job) and they, along with some of Michelle's friends and probably some other stragglers, laughed and joked their way through replays of that night and many others while Michelle and I sat and talked and watched. I always loved the aftermath of the dancing in those days; it was my favourite part in fact.

At some point, sitting on the cold ground with the sun fast approaching Michelle put her head on my shoulder. Not an extraordinary thing to do at all, but the strange thing was that I was fine with it, I even liked it. I never liked to be touched much, I'm not as bad now, back then a touch could burn right though me, but with Michelle, as it had felt when we first talked, I was comfortable. It was then that the possibility that I might be with her entered my head. Before that I may have considered that I would like it if she were with me but I was bound by honour to my friend. You don't go out with your best friends ex. That's the rule. That night she took my arm, and her best friend that she had introduced me to that night, Laura, took the other and we danced to the taxi rank singing New York, New York in a way that kids do when you feel alive and that you own the night. As we danced and I sang it was the rule that that kept the smile from my eyes. You don't go out with your best friends ex taunted the rule, but worst of all, I knew it was right.

To be continued.

THIS WEEK
I Watched: - The 40 Year Old Virgin, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Crimson Tide.
I Read: - Quite Ugly One Morning by Christopher Brookmyre.
I listened to: - N/A

The People I Know - Michelle

Michelle is unlike any person I have ever met in as much as that from the very first time that I met her she made me feel comfortable. This may seem like an odd thing to say but, for me, it meant a great deal. I'm not good with people, I don't want to get to know them and in very general terms I don't like them. When I meet a new person I often wait until I have someone with me in order that they can take the lead in the conversation and I can stay in the background watching, listening and learning. I watch for facial expressions, listen to tone of voice and judge what kind of person they are before I entertain the notion that I might get to like them. I class myself as an excellent judge of character, by watching and listening I can gauge a person a several levels, detecting why they move like that, or said something in such a way and I mark it all down in my invisible score card. I don't know what the score card says or even how it's marked but Michelle ticked all the boxes in minutes in a way that I've never been able to explain.

The best and quickest way to mark my score card is to watch a person interact with David. David is my best friend (one of the two best friends I'm lucky to have) he is forthright in a way that is almost combative, he likes to joke at your expense (never cruel and mostly impersonal) and his own barometer as to whether you and he will get along is if you can laugh along and give as good as you get. David's barometer is much harsher than mine and far less forgiving but his imposing introduction is effective and efficient.

David and I met Michelle long ago and the inns and out of what was said has been lost in time. What I do remember about our first meeting though was that after laughing off a few of David's jokes about her, at the time, partially blue hair, Michelle turned to me and said "You're Craig Ambrose." As it turns out this first meeting, the first meeting I can remember, was not our first at all. It turned out that I had been at school with Michelle for a full year; Primary Six.

I could not remember her at all but this was not uncommon for me. I was 17 at the time and at some point long before the memories of much of my early childhood was lost to me. I had been the fat kid at school until 2^nd year when I grew tall and broad. I became someone else for the first time when I grew and what had been before seemed and still seems like a past life. Michelle talked to me that day about our interactions from that our life as children. About races at the swimming and missing dinner tickets and the sullen little boy she knew but barely spoke to. At some point we noticed a Yin/Yang pendant in the room and had a good natured argument about which side represented earth and which represented water (we both still maintain that we were correct). When we spoke it was like we were the only two people in the room. The room belonged Margaret and David Hamilton and was at the time occupied by their two sons Mark and Andrew, the former of whom was know to all as Sparkie and who is the other person I call my best friend. It was David who spoke and pulled Michelle and I out of our solitary back and forth. "Can't believe it Sparkie," he said with a smile "Craig's stealing your bird".

To be continued.

THIS WEEK
I Watched: - Undeclared: The Complete Series, Knocked Up, A Beautiful Mind, Lions for Lambs.
I Read: - Indigo Slam by Robert Crais.
I listened to: - The Age of Understatement by The Last of the Shadow Puppets.

Worse Than the Disease

On Thursday morning I woke just past 4am in a great deal of pain as my ongoing stomach problems took a turn for the worse. There could be a number of reasons for this recent deterioration of my health but I won’t bore you with the ins and outs of all that. The most important thing to know is that it was bad; William Shatner's singing career bad, and has only got slightly better thus far.

Having been unable to cross the door on Thursday, for a very real fear of being caught short, I didn’t get to my Doctors Surgery until 17:00 on Friday. By this time I had contacted NHS 24 twice and Michelle had left work early believing I may have to go to hospital. I doubted the hospital would be necessary but I think she was nervous by the texts I’d been sending and to be honest I was more than a little apprehensive myself. I would do anything at this point to get better. Anything.

As it turns out ‘anything’ turned out to be a treatment which would test the boundaries of my statement. I won’t say what it is, but let me just say that it is a very… uncomfortable treatment, and I’ll leave it at that. It’s been five days since I started my embarrassing and unpleasant treatment and still as I sit a type I still have a persistent pain in my gut and still have a great need to be no more than a few feet away from a lavatory. Regardless of my invasive would-be-cure’s effectiveness thus far I will continue on my course. However, it has to be said that, for all the good they’ve done me, I may as well have shoved them up my arse…

THIS WEEK
I Watched: - Independence Day, Contact, Rescue Dawn.
I Read: - The Risk Pool by Richard Russo
I listened to: - Konk by The Kooks, Hot Fuss by The Killers, Favorite Worst Nightmare by The Arctic Monkeys