Tomorrow

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ~Mary Ellen Chase

In my previous post I had spoke of what fills me with the feeling of excitement for Christmas approaching – wrapping Michelle’s gifts – but, while the above is true, the state of mind mentioned in the above quotation does not occur until the day is upon me.

Children are filled with the spirit from the day their advent calendars are opened, or at least as the number days open out number those still to be. At some point they begin to count sleeps and become ever easier to manipulate with the perhaps cruel but effective threat that Santa knows if they have been bad or good. Christmas is magical for children, their still developing little brains dazzled by the shiny objects and bright, occasionally blinking, lights. And of course there are all the packages under the tree – “For me?” – For them.

The older your get the more difficult it is to feel the magic. The shiny objects are less fascinating, the bright lights hurt your eyes and blinking ones threaten to send you into some sort of fit, and all those gifts under the tree – “For me?” – No, not for you. You have to struggle through crowds of ignorant humanity and wait in seemingly endless line after line for your gifts. Then there’s the cost - where’s that jolly fat bastard when you really need him?

And then you wake up on Christmas morning. There’s something unquantifiable in the air – everything seems still. There are the one or two gifts under the tree for you and your content with the quantity you receive and love those gifts because you love the one that gave them to you. Everyone is pleasant – you pass people in the street and rather than pass by them you greet them a merry Christmas or at least wish them a good day. The worries of the year nearly past fall away for one day and the day it’s self is a gift for that fact.

Today, Christmas Eve, is stress. Maybe you’re buying the last minute gifts, maybe your wrapping all your gifts, maybe you’re preparing for tomorrow’s dinner or maybe you’re building your kids gifts tonight to be freshly delivered by Santa Claus tomorrow. Tomorrow is calm. Tomorrow is content. Tomorrow is love. Tomorrow is Christmas.

Have a good one.

A Lot Like Christmas

I don’t know if it’s the non-stop rain, the fact that month it passing so quickly or astonishing amount of money I don’t have, but I hadn’t been feeling the Christmas spirit too much until recently.

The tree was up, the house decorated and Michelle and I had wrapped all the presents we got for the kids and parents – but I know now that none of that does it for me, doesn’t get me excited about the upcoming festivity. I know now that it’s wrapping Michelle’s gifts that gives me that familiar buzz that we mostly leave behind the more time passes.

I think it’s because Michelle is now the only person that I buy gifts for; meaning that she is the only person that receives gifts which are just from me as opposed to “us”. I always buy her, her own wrapping paper so that her gifts look different from everyone else’s under the tree, and I always pack those gifts in boxes or bags full of tissues and decorate the packages with bows and sometimes ribbons.

I like to make the effort with the packaging because Michelle almost always knows what she’s getting. This year for example I bought her tickets for Swan Lake but stupidly got them sent to the flat. Of course Michelle was in when the mail came that day and it wasn’t exactly hard to figure out what I was getting though the post in an envelope marked as being sent by The Theatre Royal. So, yeah she knows what it is, but I made her an envelope from two types of wrapping paper so that, while it may not be a surprise, her main gift will at least look nice when she wakes on Christmas morning.

Anyway - I’m done for now as I don’t want to speak to much about Christmas at this time. I’m hoping to write a good Christmas post nearer the time in the same vain as last year.

‘Till then.

2006 Questionnaire

I did this same questionnaire for 2005 this time last year so here I go again.

1) Was 2006 a good year for you?
I got married, became a godfather (the non mafia kind), finally went to New York, got another cat and stayed in the one job – good year all round!

2) What was your favourite moment of the year?
Getting married would come first but seeing the New York sky line for the first time was incredible.

3) What was your least favourite moment of the year?
Finding out my leg can’t be fixed was not the best, but it wasn’t really that big a surprise, so nothing too bad.

4) Where were you when 2006 began?
In my flat for The Bells and then later at Scott and Louise’s.

5) Who were you with?
Michelle and Fudge for the bells then Louise, Scott and Bob shortly after.

6) Where will you be when 2006 ends?
Shaw’s house is the plan.

7) Who will you be with when 2006 ends?
Michelle, Shaw, Lindsey, and probably Nigel, (Iona is working), and maybe Sparkie, David, Natalie, Kenny, Claire, Murray, and others.

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2006?
Last year when I did this (almost a year to the day FYI) I did a recap the resolutions I wrote down on the Blog, as I fail all but one last year I just made the same ones again and added “study hard” in reference to my being a student. Lets see how I did: -

Save for the wedding.
RESULT: Fail – Yes the wedding bills were paid but I’ll be paying back the loan for the next three years and, if my current finances are anything to go by, with some difficulty.

Lose weight.
RESULT: Pass – I did lose a little, a very little, but I think it’s mostly due to my fretting over money rather than my short lived Gym membership(s).

Work on scripts.
RESULT: Fail – as always I’m making my little notes and dreaming up the plots but I have never once put pen to paper or finger to key for my scripts in this entire year. Hopefully the writing course Laura and Stuart ‘got’ me for my birthday which starts in January will help.

Study Hard.
RESULT: Fail – I am no longer a student and I do not have a degree. Need I say more.

9) Do you have a new year’s resolution for 2007?
I will and will be sure to notify you of them once I do.

10) Did you fall in love in 2006?
As I said last year – I fell a long time ago and show no signs of getting back up.

11) If yes, with who?
Michelle.

12) If yes, do they know?
The wedding ring should make it pretty clear.

13) Are you still in love with them?
“But not as much as to-morr-ow!”

14) Do regret it?
No.

15) Did you break-up with anyone in 2006?
I think I might drop these questions next year… yeah I steal some from another one of these.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2006?
Work acquaintances I suppose but I already have a lot of Friends. I regained a friend in Peter who I stopped talking to for one of the stupid reason people stop talking top others. We’re cool now and I’m very happy with that… Though if he loses his job because of my MySpace Mini Golf we could be back to square one…

17) Who are your favourite new friends?
Peter. “Old friends are best” – John Selden, the jurist, said that and I believe him.

18) What was your favourite month of 2006?
September - Married. New York. Hawaii. Birthday.

19) Did you travel outside of the UK in 2006?
New York and Hawaii, with a short stop in San Francisco.

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2006?
Three.

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2006?
Thankfully no, though Michelle lost her cat Cleo who lived with her (Michelle’s) mum and who Michelle had since she was nine.

*** New question the replace the ‘love’ ones ***

22) What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing and Saving.

23) What do you wish you'd done less of?
Procrastinating.

24) What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
1st September – I got married.
2nd September – I went to NYC.
25th March – Bought Frankie.

25) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I can’t remember my Birthday… I was 25 and I don’t think I did anything. Oh me and Gary had a joint birthday dinner at he and Kirsty’s house. And Jim gave me 15% off in A1.

26) What song will always remind you of 2006?
Hmm… Someone Like You by Van Morrison, All I Want is You by U2 and Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls all featured at my wedding so those ones.

27) What was your favourite TV program?
Favourite new show this year would have to be Heroes but close behind that would be Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. In fact I think it would have to be a tie.

28) Favourite film of this year?
Superman Returns because I’m a freekin’ geek but also excellent were Casino Royale, Capote, Crash, The Departed and Brick.

Samoan Joe

Michelle and I had four long fights on the various legs of our honeymoon. The first long flight – from London to New York – was pleasant and comfortable enough and passed quickly thanks to the small screens that were on the backs of the seats which allowed you to choose from a variety of movies. The key factor on this flight, which made it the most comfortable of the four, was the fact that Michelle and I were sat together in a row of two rather than having to share a row of three with a complete stranger.

The complete stranger however is to be expected on a long flight and so one can only hope to have a person you would barely notice… and be disappointed they get what’s given.

Coming back over the Atlantic Ocean on the flight from San Francisco to London I have to admit the man beside us was not a bother at all. I call him The Quiet American. Nevertheless, knowing all too well that when one door opens another closes, I was unsurprised when the passenger in front of us turned out to be The Jerk. The Jerk at countless times throughout the nine hour flight seemed determined to force his chair to lie horizontally and therefore onto Michelle’s lap. Being inconsiderate appears to be, like yawning, contagious as myself and The Quiet American soon discovered when The Jerk’s companions soon joined in on his endeavour for a lie down on an Economy Class airplane chair. At one point in The Jerk even had the audacity to turn around to look behind as if Michelle were somehow preventing him from carrying out a function the chair was not designed to include. This inspection was met with my best dead eyed glare which The Jerk seemed to correctly as a non verbal “Go ahead punk, make my day.” Yet despite The Jerk and his almost equally boorish companions this flight was still not so bad when compared to the seven hour ordeal that was Samoan Joe.

On the flight from New York to San Francisco (connecting to Hawaii) we had a woman sitting next to us who I refer to as The Oriental Snorter. This travelling companion was an elderly oriental woman who, as her title would suggest, sniffed and snorted throughout the flight. I’m sure you will agree that this alone could be too much to bare for over six hours, yet I try to be considerate. After all The Snorter must have been suffering from either allergy or illness to have been snorting in the first place and for this reason I try to forgive. What I do not forgive is her feet.

As well as the snorting The Snorter also saw fit to put her legs up on the cramped seat causing her well travelled and clammy feet to touch those unlucky enough to be sitting beside her. This one stranger I’m sure has your skin crawling at the thought that you could have had those feet touching you or had to listen to the ceaseless snorting and sniffing. And still even she could not prepare me for Samoan Joe.

***

I hesitate before type the story of our flight from Hawaii to San Francisco for I know that no word can be written that can truly do justice to the horrifying discomfort that was Samoan Joe. But type I must, for some legends cannot be untold.

***

It was a fantastic holiday but despite the long journey ahead of us my new wife and I were glad to be leaving for home. Having endured The Oriental Snorter on our last long flight Michelle and I felt the universe owed us a break on this first of a series of flights which would begin on a Tuesday and end on a Thursday. Our ticket numbers were amongst some of the first called onto the plane, and although we were in a bank of three seats the third remained empty as those around us became occupied. A foolish dream filled our heads with glorious visions of comfort and even spreading out a little on the long flight. As the plane filled out we even had the courage to speak our dream aloud, dared to believe it could be true! And then I saw Him.

Samoan Joe is not just a man. He is a man that in many years gone by one may have found residing atop a beanstalk. His head is the size of a year old child curled into a ball, his hands are the size a frying pans and most likely have the same density and his body is the mass of a small town. Exaggerating, just a little, though I may be I’m sure your grasping my point; he was big. Really really big. Not fat. Just BIG.

The poor man had to cram himself into our row of three. It is the equivalent of a person of normal size and bulk sitting on a child’s chair and then pulling themselves into a chills desk. His knees were all but up at his chest, he struggled to keep his huge gorilla size arms to himself and as a cherry on top his small daughter (who was seated in the next row with Joe’s wife) kept screaming, not crying, screaming when she had to sit in her seat on the often turbulent flight.

Had been sitting nearby Joe I would have unquestionably looked on at the unfortunately apportioned mans discomfort with deep pity. Of course I was not sitting nearby I was right next to him. Despite the fact I am aware and was aware even then that Samoan Joe laboured to leave me with as much of my seat as his magnitude allowed. Regardless that I know if he could have avoided my neck having had be at a forty-five degree angle he would. There was only one thought in my head and one thought that remains about that considerate giant of a man. That one thought, bore out of frustration, discomfort and bitterness was, is and forever will remain, simply and unfairly, “You bastard.”

Relativity Speaking

Albert Einstein explained his Theory of Relativity in his most simplistic way when he said "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity."

I like that quote a lot and I believe wholly in the theory. The reason I bring it up is that in my work lately I keep scribbling the above title again and again. While most people might keep this to themselves fearing a mental collapse from reality I have chosen to write about it.

See, using Einstein’s quote as an example, my work when busy is a pretty girl, time passes very quickly. For quite a while now however my work has been the equivalent of talking with a girl with a body like a moulded turnip and the face of a person who has not merely fallen from the ugly tree but one who has hit every branch on the way down, fell in the putrid cess pool at the bottom and had the fence surrounding the tree fall and impale them. It’s slow. Painfully slow. Watching a minute pass is gut wrenching. And the later the day gets the slower time passes.
I was on a late on Friday night until 20:00 and it felt like days passed. It’s incredible to watch the fatigue set in on a bunch of people who sit at a desk all day but by good it does.

Anyway I’m not moaning about it, I still like my job and I’ve came up with a cunning plan to help the days pass more quickly. And that plan is this. Literally THIS. When I write time passes like water through an eighty-six year old, very quickly. Recently I haven’t being been doing it because I forgot that even the smallest thing can be interesting if told the right way. So I’ll concentrate on the oddities of people and write it down on a wee pad to post later. Now that I think of it I’ve still not told the story of Samoan Joe. So I’ll start there.

‘Till then.

PS. This is a really crappy post and I apologise for that but I was having a four way conversation in the middle and forgot my point.