This Charming Man

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to come across what was possibly the most detestable human being I have ever come in contact with. Michelle and I happened upon the man while searching for a seat on the busy train on our way home from Glasgow. With no regard for his fellow passengers this man had taken up an entire four seat table to himself and his belongings. When seeing this I asked him very politely if Michelle and I could take the seats that his rucksack and coat currently occupied and, admittedly he did move them, though huffing and puffing too audibly all the while.

He was an older man, perhaps in his late fifties or early sixties with wild untidy hair and a face I doubt even a mother could love. He chewed gum in the same way a cow chews cud; hurried and messily. He wore a jumper which seemed too large and gave off a slight stench of must. The jumper must have itched for he was not shy of scratching vigorously and often at his arms turning his freckled and wire haired skin a painful looking colour. So enthusiastic was his clawing of his arms that you yourself began to feel phantom itches, though this at least was not one of his more conscious efforts to make us feel ill at ease.

As if unaware, or more likely not giving a damn, of Michelle and I's presence opposite him this charming man set his book down on our shared table and spread his arms in order to take up as much of the table top that his not small mass would allow. Below the table his lower limbs were not at all better. He had spread his legs out in such a way that it was near impossible to shift your weight without knocking his feet, this of course, and not without irony, lead to Michelle and I apologising for disturbing him frequently throughout the trip.

And yet, as I said, I find our meeting, this man and I, as fortunate thing. For the best part of that day my mind had been mulling over a story about a shabby and unlikeable character. What are the odds that when trying to imagine such a detestable character I should meet such sterling example? And so, with thanks to that appalling passenger, I present The Unkempt Man.