Uhhh... Hi...

Don’t you hate it when someone says hello to you and you don’t recognise them?

On the bus this morning I sat on the seats that face each other and the girl across from me glanced up and did a kind of double take and then gave me that kind nod/look ‘hello’. Now to be polite, I sort of smiled ‘hello’ back but I think it was pretty plain on my face that I had no clue who she was.

So what can you do to find out? Can’t start talking, maybe we’ve never spoke, just used to work together or go to school together. Plus, what you going to say to a stranger who knows you? You could have a good look at the persons face but ‘good look’ is just a descriptive for ‘stare’, and all of a sudden this person who knows you but you don’t know is saying ‘that guys a freak! He was staring at me on the bus!’

Now that I’ve had time to think, I think it was a girl I went out with. It’s been like five maybe six years since I seen her last and she didn’t wear glasses like bus girl (the Clark Kent method proved sound) pretty sure she was meant to though.

At least she didn’t speak to me. That’s much worse. You have to be like ‘where you working now?’ and ‘I haven’t seen you for ages’ in hopes that they let slip some clue to their identity and hope they don’t realise you don’t remember them. Nightmare.

Super Secret

Michelle says my super secret comic book script links are too super secret but I dunno…

Three Buses!

I had to walk to work this morning. Had to. Three 66 Buses came at the same time. Two passed me when I was on the other side of the road, which was fair enough. The third one however, drove past me when I was on the right side of the road and about six feet away from the bus stop!

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaging!

Westwood Regular.

I went to the Westwood pub last night with Dave and his other mate who is also called Craig. We’re talking away at the table and having a laugh and then Dave’s dads’ mate, Scott comes over and sits with us. This is Monday night, but the guy tells me he was working over the weekend, so I don’t judge too harshly that the guy is a drunken mess.

Scott is about late thirties possibly early forties by my estimation, he has barley any teeth, is unshaven and wears a union jack baseball cap. A typical example of people who drink in the Westwood. I freely admit to being a snob, but, as it was someone David knew I resisted my impulse to leave and sat a talked to the guy.

He was a raciest, and a ned, and talked about his love for ‘ecies’.

If you don’t know me too well, or if the subject has not come up, I hate drugs. All drugs. They are a cancer on the world and people that take then are week and pathetic things that shouldn’t be breathing my air. If I had a friend that overdosed of ecstasy I would not cry for them. That being said, if someone can give up drugs I have respect for that. It’s a hard thing to do and plus they have realised that they are better than that.

Given that information, you’ll understand my disgust, my revulsion and my desire to slaughter this fucking loser when he pulls out a little bag of 'coke' and starts rubbing in on his gums.

Dave was at the bar and Craig was at the toilet so neither of them knew. I would have got up to leave right then and there, but I couldn’t move. I was furious I could feel my ears burning my face was so hot. I stayed for half an hour more, David went to the bar again, Craig to the jukebox, and as I was putting my coat on the little turd informed me he was going to the toilet with his ‘good friend Charlie’

I will never step foot in that pub again, in fact the only reason I’ll even go near it will be to torch the fucker and its piece of shit patrons to the ground.

Speak of the Devil

I don’t usually believe in all that karma crap, but today I’m seriously re-evaluating that belief.
In work yesterday Laura mentioned she had a migraine, so I start talking about them. How I get them all the time, every little movement is like a small aneurysm in my brain, light is like a sword in my eyes, blah, blah, blah. So I get them bad is what I was saying.

I go home that night and round about seven I can’t seem to focus my eyes properly and by eight, when I have gone to the Westwood with David the migraines kicking in. I couldn’t believe it! I know ‘speak of shit and it’ll hit you in the face.’ But this was ridiculous!

It is now nearly two in the afternoon the next day and it’s still with me. I’m off work ( not being paid!) I was boaking this morning it was so bad! I didn’t acutely bring anything up but even now I feel like I’m going to. Yes the migraine feels a little better, but if I move too fast then it feels like someone put a banger in the middle of my brain. It is the worst and longest migraine I have EVER had.

Morning?...

As usual I was fifteen minutes late for work today, as I have been for the vast majority of my current employment. Now usually no one gives a shit, which is not to say that I don’t try to get in on time, but to say that there is not exactly pressure on me to do so.

So I come in and say good morning to the three people at my table, respectively the Procurement Officer, The Construction Manager and The Construction Director; Kenny. No one replies for a minute or even looks at me, and then Kenny says,

Morning? It’s nearly afternoon.

I know Kenny pretty well, he was my boss in my old job too, and at times he can have a deadpan sense of humour. This was not, as near as I could tell, one of these times.

I think I better try harder to come in; otherwise I may be the reclusive comic book writer I always wanted to be sooner than I thought.

Work it out.

Say hypothetically I was to get a new job? Where would I look? What would I do that I could get the same money for?

I’m genuinely asking so please comment no matter who you are or how stupid you think your comment may be.

Busy

The weirdest thing happened today. I came into work, sat down and found I had flights to book for the site workers (I do this all the time – it’s not the weird thing), I also had scheduling to sort out and then something else, and something else, and another thing, and lots more! That’s right I was... was… busy!?! I was busy. I was busy

Yeah I couldn’t believe it either. I haven’t be busy since I got this job in October! Not remotely even a little bit busy, yet I was so busy today that I didn’t even know Laura was off until about 2pm, and even after that I wouldn't really have had time to e-mail her anyway.

If this trend continues I may even start to feel like I do actually have some worth in this job… maybe…

Modified X-Box Error

If this is my last Blog it’ll be because Bill Gates has sent his goons for me.

As I had mentioned before, Stoo gave me all the necessary equipment to go on to X-Box Live and play Halo 2 online (Halo 2 was provided by Dave). So I set up the modem and turn on the X-Box.

UNABLE TO CONNECT

I hadn’t turned the modem on! Doh! So I do that and it comes up:-

UNABLE TO CONNECT

Huh? I can’t understand it, so I click on the ‘Troubleshoot’ option and it goes through all the connections to check them. They're all fine. And then my blood runs cold.

MODIFIED X-BOX ERROR

I quickly disconnect the Modem.

See what I probably should have mentioned was that I had my X-Box chipped a few months ago. If your not familiar with the term ‘chipped’, put another way, it means that I have had my X-Box illegally modified to play illegally copied games (I really hope the police don’t read this).

To cut a long story short I phoned Stuart to find out what this meant and he told me that I had been banned from X-Box Live. Permanently (with that X-Box at least).

It’s a bit a bastard but if I was being honest then I have to admit that I think my ban is fair enough, after all I am screwing Bill out of money (like he needs my pitiful contributions) and at the end of the day I’d rather get the cheap games.

Sorry Stuart I know you wanted a Live buddy but Mark’s getting an X-Box so hopefully you won’t have to wait too long.

Hidden Resources

I tapped my long hidden creative talents on Saturday and finally started the beginning of my massive rewrites to my scripts after having stalled to do for the two weeks since in thought of the changes.

Even though I only wrote a few pages worth I’m hoping that this short burst gives me enough momentum that I don’t stop for such a long period again.

Going Live!

Thanks to my skills as a scroungin’ bastard I’ll soon be enjoying Halo 2™ on X – Box Live™ without spending a single penny! Thanks to Stuart for the two month free trial, headset and connector cable and thanks to Dave for Halo 2™.

Thanks especially Dave in fact, since he’ll never get it back! (And he’ll never read this!)

Down the Rabbit Hole

There's a new blog in town. You take the blue pill, you forget about it, keep reading the Blogs you always read. You take the red pill you go down the rabbit hole and see it for yourself.

Cam by name...

Michelle and I were baby sitting her niece and nephew last night. I wasn’t really looking forward to it, it was Saturday night after all, and the thought of screaming kids wasn’t the most welcoming.

Before Michelle’s sister and her husband left we were told that Cameron (Cam for short), who was in her room could watch the end of ‘E.T.’ and then it was ‘sleepy time’.

Cam is two and a half years old and since Ryan, her baby brother, was born in November she’s been a little clingy to her mum. She is also an expert tantrum thrower, so when Michelle appeared up the stairs to say it was sleepy time it didn’t go down too well. Michelle read her a story with the promise that Cam would go to sleep after it. Never trust the word of a two-year-old.

Cam broke into tears as soon as Michelle rose to leave the room, which for her is not uncommon even with mum and dad. We decided to leave her to her tantrum, which for Cam happened every few nights, so she would tire herself out. She screamed, not cried, screamed, screamed a blood curdling scream that you expect only to hear in an A & E or funeral. I caved after five minutes. Think that’s weak? You try it.

When I went up I tried the tough approach and as soon as Cameron saw me I said in firm voice ‘Enough’. My dad had always used the ‘Enough’ with me and it seemed to work, so I gave it a shot. Cam took one look at me as soon as I said it, reached her arms out to me and said in her choked and tear filled little voice ‘I want my mummy!’ The tough approach lasted that long.

I went in to the room and sat on her tiny bed for about half an hour and she cried a heaving cry as she cuddled into me and cried for her mummy. Eventually I got her to lie down on her bed and stayed with her until she fell asleep. When I stood to leave she cried a little, but all I said was that she had to sleep and I had to go away and she cuddled back into her bed.

Although she was crying and upset, and I know it might not be the most manly statement, but it was nice to have her fall asleep in my arms and stay with her until she was calm. Truth be told, I can honestly think of worse ways to spend a Saturday night.

Willpower Like Water.

Okay so I’m weak.

I asked Michelle when she had read my resolutions which she thought I wouldn’t keep and she was right – Swimming and late night munchies.

I thought about saying that I was at a good bit of my book and couldn’t wait to finish it (which I can’t), but the truth is I just can face the thought of it. The thought of getting changed in that cubical with the wet floor that a hundred disease ridden feet had touched before. The thought of the shorts and bare chest, and belly and legs being in the open. The thought of my arms pulling me through that chemical water that has been a bath of masses for who knows how long. Just the thought.

I can’t face it this week. I’m weak I know, and I’ll welcome you slaps because I deserve them, but I just can’t do it.

Next week I’ll pack a bag on the Wednesday night and leave straight from the office.
Honest…

Night Swimming

It feels like my mind is doing a breast stroke through melted toffee while it’s trying to make it to a place where I will actually go swimming tonight.

I’ve already broken one resolution today, I slept in (not on purpose this time) and therefore did not walk to work this clear, wind and rain free morning.

However, I am forcing my way through to being determined that I will be taking the literal plunge tonight, and dive into the first step of my second resolution.

Hmmm...

Since swimming is the first step, then I can’t really have broken a resolution this morning. After all first thing’s first, not third thing’s first. In the interest in taking my proposed steps properly I’ll swim this week, followed by weights and swimming the next week, I’ll add walking to work in the third and stop late night eating in the fourth. Makes sense to me!

Slept Bed.

I didn’t get up this morning. I didn’t sleep in really, not so as I’d be late, but when I woke I just watched the minutes pass on the clock and hid from the rain and howling wind under my warm covers until it was past eight o’clock.

It made me fifteen minutes late for work, but the time spent to appreciate the warmth of a slept bed was more than worth it. I highly recomend you try it some time.

2006.

I was just looking at my last blog and wondering wether to laugh or cry when this hit me.

I'm getting married.

To hell with my shitty job! Who dosn't have a shitty job? Even Stuart, who is doing what he has always wanted to do, has to get a bus and two trains in the mornings and nights and occasionly get woken up in the middle of the night to fix a server. And that's pretty shitty, no?(I hope he agees)

I love Michelle and she loves me. As long as I come home to her and have the hugs and kisses and "I love you"s and can make her smile and laugh I'll be just fine.

And guess what. Michelle's job's shitty too. In fact it's probobly much shittier that anyone elses (unless you work in sewage) because it causes her pain. Her skin itches and burns and tares because of it, so I can't beleve I could bitch about sitting doing nothing in an office.

So to hell with 2038.

I'm getting married to my girl in 2006, and I'll love my girl until the skys fall and the stars turn cold.

As for the job, I'll just do what I always do. Exactly what I want to do.

2032.

So it’s official. I hate my job.

As I sit here and do nothing because the tasks at hand are so menial that they border on demeaning, I’ve come to this firm conclusion.

How did I get here? I liked my last job, I did things in my last job, I felt vital, so I’m wondering how I am able to do the ‘same’ job here and feel this way about it. The answer is that most of the tasks that made me feel vital before have been eliminated due to this new businesses independence (I’m not going into the ins and outs of it all).

So I’ve decided to go back to collage and then on to Strathclyde University to gain a BA/BA Honours Degree in Journalism and Creative Writing.

All I have to do before I can start on my new path is make enough money for the fees, get married, and pay off the mortgage. Yep, by the time I’m around 55 years old, assuming I have no kids and that my salary advances at an acceptable rate over the years, I’ll be on my way!

Wish me luck!

If these are not the most true words written, I've yet to read them.

If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

- Rudyard Kipling

Amendment

I need to make a slight amendment to the third step of my second resolution. Obviously I’m not going to walk to work in this kind of weather. I ain’t crazy fool!

Talkin’ about a Resolution.

This year I’ve thought about it, made up a list and picked out the most important a vowed to keep them. I’m talking about resolutions.

For most of us, and by most I pretty much mean all of us, a resolution is the thing we say we’ll do around about ten past midnight on January 1st and forget about a round about half past. We shouldn’t feel too bad about is though; Resolutions have been being made and broken for roughly 4000 years, since the Babylonians used to resolve to return the farming equipment they had borrowed from their neighbour. My dad’s still got next doors lawn mower and he borrowed it eleven years ago.

However, I feel confident that I can override 4000 years of human nature and I will keep these resolutions.

1. Save for the wedding.

We’ re getting married in September 2006. That’s twenty-one months away, I know, but twenty-one months are not as long as you’d think. I’m already saving £25 a week but it’s not enough! We, and by we I mostly mean I, have to stop buying crap. Also as a sub section of this resolution I want to put down the £400 pound deposit for the hall by March.

2. Lose weight.

It’s a classic I know, but if my belly grows any larger, well, we’re going to need a bigger boat! Now saying ‘lose weight’ is too simple because people need perimeters, so I’m taking the following steps: -

STEP ONE – Dust off those trunks I got in April and go swimming every Thursday after work.

STEP TWO – Do my weights. I used to lift my weights all the time (5 years ago) so I see no reason why I can’t be doing them again. Plus I miss my muscles.

STEP THREE – Steps. I usually do walk back home from work but I could just as easily walk too work (as long as I don’t sleep in).

STEP FOUR – No more late night eating.

3. Work on my scripts.

I always get a great sense of achievement when I finish a script and its really just laziness that I don’t write them.

4. Be more sociable.

I’m the most anti-social person anyone knows. In fact I’m Uncle Social. Chances are, unless you’ve known me for at least five years you’ve not seen me out or heard me speak when I am, so I’ll work on that.

So that’s it. None of the above should take fantastic feats of will power (maybe getting up for work) so if I don’t do them I want you all to slap me silly each time I break one. The journey to better living starts here. Watch this space…

Return of the King!

No I don’t mean Arragon, and I don’t mean Elvis (face it folks he’s dead), I mean me! I have four days left of Holiday and feel like the king of the world!
I was kind of in a funk yesterday, not a disco funk, more a grumpy irritable bastard kind of funk and I didn’t know why. In fact I still don’t know why or even if it’ll come back, but I do know that I’m in a good mood now

…As I typed ‘good mood now’ just there I remembered that Michelle was out spending money…

But still, good mood now!

So I’ve not done this for a while, over the whole Christmas period in fact, so you’d think I had a lot to report. Unless you really know me and know that I don’t do things. I have some news to report however, my sister is pregnant again with baby 2, so congratulations to her and her husband Graeme.

I have resolutions, they are many, amongst which is to do something with my scripts that I haven’t been doing for a while and actually write them! I’ve had two good ideas that help my other ideas slot into place in the last few days and have promised Stoo that I will send him the new drafts of the original four scripts by the time his internet connection is installed tomorrow.

Another of my resolutions goes back to my earlier point that ‘I don’t do things’. So that’s the resolution, to do things. I’ve already returned to the dancing after my self-imposed three-year exile but that’s not enough. I was invited to two parties for Hogmaney, one of which was with my closest friends and I didn’t go! Don’t get me wrong I liked my New Years Eve. I made Michelle a nice candle lit dinner, we went to her sisters until the bells and then down to my mum and dad’s. It was fine, it was nice, but the next day I kind of wished I’d been up all night in the company of friends with music and motion and laughter that makes you struggle for breath.
So don’t let me forget this resolution any of you. And try not to hate me because I’ve had seventeen days holiday…