It was 11am on the 31st day since ordering the Deluxe Jack Skellington costume and the Sexy Wonder Woman costume from toynk.com via EBay. My mum was coming to pick me up so we can do our weekly Asda run in fifteen minutes so I was getting ready to leave the house when my door was chapped. You might expect a deity handed my that box, a golden vision maybe a burning bush but in fact it was a short middle aged man on the wrong side of thirty in a dishevelled blue uniform.
I couldn’t believe it. I had remarked to Michelle earlier in the week that with my luck the costumes would turn last minute but even I didn’t believe that my uncanny ability to “always land on my feet” would help us this time. I’ll never disbelieve again.
***
The party was a great success and everyone did a great job with their costumes, in particular Scott’s headless man, Gary’s granny wolf and, for his all too convincing character acting, Dillon’s performance as the über ned/chav Dilz.
Some of the night’s highlights include Dillon’s (As Dilz) techno rave dancing, Dillon’s (as himself) being shoot in the ass with an airsoft rifle at his request, and if I’m not mistaken Jack Skellington’s rendition of Aqualung’s Strange & Beautiful was quite well received. I’m unsure of this because as remarkable as the talking mask was it’s faults lay in the almost total lack of vision sound and air. Most likely to be the most talked about event of the evening was the appearance of Laura and Stuart’s forty something drug indulging slut neighbour known only as The Razzler.
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The meaning of the Razzler’s title is still shrouded in mystery and her exploits, dating back to the time before Laura and Stuart had even heard of their now home and far too notorious and explicit to see print in these pages, but rest assured they are the stuff of depraved legend. Like a buzzing fly she appeared seemingly from nowhere and could not be removed. Claiming that she wanted to see the flats balcony at 3:30 in the morning The Razzler was no sooner in the door when a drink and a fag (in the non-smoking flat) materialised in her had and she had settled into a seat, integrating herself in the middle of people’s conversations.
Knowing my tolerance of unknown people and interlopers Laura asked if I could get her to leave. I considered doing so but knowing that Laura and Stuart had to live next to this woman I decided that my careful chosen words, “get out”, lacked the finesse that was required.
It wasn’t long after that until a series of faux taxi’s were being phoned and two by two the guest of the party retreated in hiding to there faux home a.k.a. Laura and Stoo’s Bedroom. Michelle and I along with Stuart’s younger brother Gordon were forced to actually exit the flat with the virtually pulling the Razzler with us out of the door. Eventually though she did go across the hall to her own home, but not before asking Gordon if he was sure he didn’t want to join her for “a wee drink an a smoke”. I’m assuming she was not reffering to tobacco as earlier in the night she had explained that her fourteen and sixteen year old boys were in the flat getting stoned while she forced her company on us. Fourteen and sixteen.
After the bothersome entity had bee exercised the night continued (sans time change) to 6am, when tired eyes prevailed over drunken minds. This was much to the disappointment of Stoo and Michelle who were up for more chat and finishing the already half finish bottle of Southern Comfort they had started scat hours before.
***
Tonight is the “post match” dinner at Shenanigans before we see Second Hand Elastic Band a.k.a. Gary’s band play at the same venue, and I’ve just realised that Stoo will be dropping by to pick us up any second.
Until next time then.
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